


Bound by Our Promises

by Hikaru7



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Young!Levi, child!Eren
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-31
Updated: 2014-07-31
Packaged: 2018-02-11 04:58:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2054514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hikaru7/pseuds/Hikaru7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the town of Shiganshina, a young soldier and a small boy meet and exchange promises. Short stories about the encounters of Rivaille and Eren, before the fall of Wall Maria.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. My Hope

Long-forgotten images were sweeping through his mind. Was he remembering them because he was dying? A time long ago, when he was a child…

He wanted to bury those memories, never to remember them again. Yet, somehow it was important to recall that time when he had first stared death in the face. Both his body and mind were about to give up the struggle of clinging onto the thin thread of life – a life between cold walls, the life of a caged animal. He was said to be the strongest, yet he was nothing more than a mere toy – an automaton programmed to kill on command. He was about to give up on his human heart as well.

However, a voice spoke to him. A voice told him to remember who he was. His vision blurred and his mind numbed by medication, he could never take a good look at the face of the man who came to treat him. But his voice was always there with him, coming in a low whisper, talking to him. Sometimes, he could hear his own voice reply, although it took a tremendous effort.

“What is your name?” the doctor asked.

“I don’t know…” he replied uncertainly.

He couldn’t remember the last time he was called by his name.

“What did your Mama call you?” the doctor persisted.

“Mama?”

It was difficult, but the memories of his earlier life slowly but eventually crept back to his mind.

“Rivaille.” he replied

“Rivaille.” the doctor repeated. “Good. You must remember your name. You must remember who you are, Rivaille. As long as you do, they won’t be able to take everything away from you.”

“They?”

“I’m sorry.” the doctor said, his voice always kind and gentle. “What they make me do is unforgivable. I vowed to save lives as a doctor, not to lend a hand to such torture…”

“Then why…?” he managed to ask feebly.

He was suffering. He wanted it to end at last – to be free. If only he could sprout wings and escape these confines. Death was more welcome than living – until the doctor gave him hope to go on.

“I have a family to protect.” the doctor replied. “My wife, Carla, has recently given birth to our son.”

He felt his face moving. Was he smiling? Was he capable of smiling at all?

“What’s his name?” he asked

“Eren.” the doctor replied.

“Eren… He has family.”

Family was a long-lost notion to him, but it sounded warm and comforting. He felt something trickling down from the corner of his eyes. Was he crying?

“Are you sad?” the doctor asked him. “Why?”

He couldn’t reply for a while. He found himself envying the doctor’s son, who had just begun his life. He wanted to die and be reborn, but he knew that was impossible. In spite of what had happened to him, he was unable to give up on living – he was unwilling to give up on who he was. In this life, he was himself.

“Can I see him some day?” he said at length. “I want to see Eren.”

He wanted to see what kind of a life he lived – a life he never had. He wanted to know.

“Yes, you will see him.” the doctor said with conviction. “When you get out of here, you will definitely see him. Listen to me: you must always remember who you are. You will survive to get out of here, I promise that.”

“I want to see the outside world.” he said weakly.

“You will. You can do it.” the doctor assured him. “I’ll help you escape. And when this madness is all over, come to my house. Look for Dr. Jäger in Shiganshina. Promise me.”

He made a promise, which bound him to life for an indefinite time. But now he had something that kept him alive: hope.

‘Eren… From the time you were born, you were my only hope.’


	2. The Soldier and the Boy

For a long time, he had forgotten about his promise. He joined the Scouting Legion, and was prepared for his first expedition outside the Wall. The Scouting Legion was to set out from Shiganshina. That was the day when he remembered.

“Erwin, can I ask for leave? It’s only for a while.” he said to his Commander.

Erwin looked at him questioningly.

“I have some business here I want to take care of before I…” his voice trailed off.

The Commander didn’t press him further, but granted him leave.

It was a chilly afternoon, the winter cold setting in earlier than usual. He asked for directions, and found that Dr. Jäger was still living in Shiganshina. He was walking across a bare field when he noticed a small figure crouching under a tree. Intrigued, he walked closer, and found it was a child digging the earth with his bare hands.

“Hey, kid.” he called out to him. “Do you know the way to Dr. Jäger’s house?”

The boy looked up at him with green eyes that shone vividly against the colourless winter land. As he later recalled those eyes, they reminded him of a deep forest: beautiful, yet dangerous.

“Are you hurt? Do you feel ill?” the boy asked, looking at him with concerned eyes.

Rivaille only nodded, uncertain about what to reply.

“Father’ll make you better.” the boy gave him a huge, friendly smile. “Come with me!”

The boy extended a hand towards him. Rivaille could see it was caked with dirt.

‘This kid must be…’

The realization made him surprised enough to let his guard down. Before he could protest, the boy took his hand, and was tugging his arm to follow him.

‘Such small hands, yet such a strong grip.’ Rivaille observed.

Even though he hated to touch dirty things, he didn’t let go of the small hand, which felt warm to his skin.

“Hey, kid.” he said. “What were you doing out so late? Wouldn’t your Mama worry?”

“She will, probably.” the boy replied. “But I had to come out, because I forgot it earlier. There is a squirrel that lives in that tree. He likes to dig up things, so I brought him some nuts.”

“And you were burying them. I see.” Rivaille said, with some disgust at remembering the boy touching the earth with his hands. “Next time, bring a shovel or something.”

“What for?” the boy asked.

“For digging.” Rivaille replied. “You can’t just use your bare hands. It’s filthy.”

“But squirrels don’t use shovels.” the boy said firmly. “I wanted to dig with my hands. The earth feels so soft, and it smells good, too. And…”

As the boy chattered on, Rivaille wondered how innocent this little boy was, trusting a complete stranger.

“But Armin says there are much more interesting things outside the Wall.” the boy went on.

Rivaille was quite surprised: he didn’t expect such a young boy to know anything about the world beyond the Wall.

“Like what?” he asked.

“Like… Flaming waters, plains of ice and seas of sand.” the boy explained.

“Isn’t it just a fairy-tale?” Rivaille remarked, unable to imagine such things.

The boy’s expression became sullen.

“It’s true.” he said with great conviction. “I’ll go and see them some day.”

“Aren’t you afraid, going outside of the Wall?”

“I’m not afraid of Them.”

Rivaille felt the grip on his hand tighten.

‘What would such a kid know about the Titans?’ he wondered.

“Even They can’t stop me.”

The boy was smiling. Rivaille suddenly stopped walking.

“What is it?” the boy asked, turning to face him, but without letting go of his hand. “Let’s hurry to Father!”

“It doesn’t hurt anymore.” Rivaille replied, slowly extracting his hand from the boy’s grip.

The boy was looking at him questioningly, with big green eyes that he would never forget, no matter how hard he tried. Without another word, Rivaille turned to go.

“You have wings on your back!” the boy called after him in amazement.

Rivaille turned slightly back towards him.

“They are called the wings of freedom.” he said.

“Wow.” the boy exclaimed, evidently much impressed.

Rivaille usually never acted on impulse, but at that moment, he turned and walked back to the boy. He crouched down before him, so that their eyes were on the same level.

“I don’t know yet what lies beyond the Wall, but I’ll make sure you’ll never have to see Them. It’s a promise. One day, we will be free to go wherever we want.”

The boy nodded his head in agreement. Rivaille stood up to go.

“When you come back…” the boy called after him. “Tell me everything you saw outside. You must come back for sure. You promised.”

Rivaille found himself smiling.

“Until then, Eren.” he said goodbye and walked away without properly fulfilling his promise to Dr. Jäger.

But at least, he had finally met Eren.

‘I’m making promises too recklessly.’ he reflected as he was walking back to the Scouting Legion’s camp.

“Did you manage to take care of your business?” Erwin inquired.

“Yes.” Rivaille replied shortly, although he knew that his real business had only just begun.

Was he remembering all this, because he was dying? Was he regretting now the promise he couldn’t keep?


	3. The Promise I Couldn't Keep

He was among the few who returned alive from the expedition. What he had first seen outside the Wall was a scenery which kept haunting his dreams from then on. Those who never had to learn how frightening They were, were blessed in their ignorance. That was how he believed.

After his first visit to Shiganshina, he never planned on returning to the town, yet he found himself walking the unfamiliar streets again. Many seasons had passed since the last time he had been there. How many years, he wondered? He lost track of time. When one was fighting to survive, each day seemed to be an eternity. After returning, it was hard to believe how peaceful life was inside the Wall.

It was late autumn again: leaves were falling from the trees, piling up beneath them in heaps. Rivaille was walking past a tree vaguely familiar. As he went closer, he found a boy sleeping peacefully underneath, on a bed of fallen leaves. It was the same boy he had once seen burying nuts with his bare hands. Now he was clutching a long stick in one hand.

“Hey, kid.” he called out to him. “What are you doing here? You’ll catch a cold.”

The boy opened his eyes sleepily. Rivaille crouched down to pinch his face.

“Ow.” the boy said, now fully awake.

“Dirty as usual, aren’t we?” Rivaille remarked, looking at the boy’s earth-stained attire.

“It’s you, Soldier-san.” the boy said, recognizing him. “You’ve returned.”

“Yeah.”

The boy’s eyes lit up.

“What was it like? The Outside World?”

“Nothing like the fairy-tales.” Rivaille replied gloomily.

The boy’s expression became disappointed.

“Did you kill many?” he asked.

Rivaille was struck how casually he used the word ‘kill’.

“Yeah.” he replied, then feeling a sudden urge to change the direction of their conversation, he asked. “And what were you up to in the meantime? Been visiting your friend the squirrel?”

“Um.” the boy nodded, his spirits returning. “He has a family now, you know.”

“That’s nice.” Rivaille replied, relieved at the fact that children were so easy to distract. “And what is the stick for? Were you digging with it?”

“It’s not a stick, it’s a sword!” the boy said indignantly, raising the hand he was holding the stick with and bringing it up close to Rivaille’s face.

“I see.” Rivaille said, realizing that he had let his guard down again. “Were you playing soldier or something?”

“Yeah, sort of. Armin told me a tale he heard from his grandfather.” the boy explained. “It was about a giant slayer. He wasn’t a real soldier, but he was a hero. Then we played giant-killing, but Armin gets tired so easily. I guess I was tired, too, because I fell asleep here. But I really want to play more. Hey, would you play with me?”

Rivaille had never played with children before, and he couldn’t remember having ever played games as a child. He didn’t really want to, but somehow the boy looked so lonely he couldn’t just leave him alone.

“All right, you’ll be giant, and I’ll be soldier.” the boy said, getting onto his feet and pointing his stick at him.

“Why must I be giant?” Rivaille asked.

“Because you’re big.” the boy replied.

Rivaille was slightly amused: he was aware that even as a grown man, he counted as rather short, but to this small child, he looked tall enough to be a giant.

“Come with me!” the boy said, and led the way to what looked like the remains of a ruined building.

There was a rather low wall. Someone had chalked a drawing of a gate on it.

“This is where we usually play.” the boy gestured around the ruins.

He had already climbed the low wall.

“This is the town.” he said, pointing his stick at the rubble behind the wall. “And this…”

“A gate.” Rivaille replied.

The boy gave him a wide grin, evidently pleased that he was catching on.

‘Kids are so easy to please.’ Rivaille remarked to himself. ‘But it’s just as easy to disappoint them.’

“You’re one of Them, and you try to come in and destroy the town.” the boy went on. “But you can’t, because I’ll kill you.”

Rivaille raised an eyebrow.

“What makes you so sure that you can kill me?”

He reached out a hand and took the stick from the boy’s hand effortlessly. The boy was staring in wide-eyed alarm as Rivaille broke the long stick in half on his knee. The boy looked angry for a moment, but Rivaille returned him the two pieces, saying:

“If you want to play soldier, do it properly.”

The boy was looking at him bewildered.

“Those are dual blades. You hold one in each hand.” Rivaille explained.

The boy’s face lit up.

“And one more thing…” Rivaille continued. “Do you know where Their weak spot is?”

The boy shook his head uncertainly.

“Aim for the nape of the neck, slicing with both blades.” Rivaille showed him. “This is the only way to kill Them. Got that?”

The boy was nodding vigorously.

“Mind you, don’t you dare hitting me too hard, or I might really die.”

“I won’t.” the boy promised, fumbling in his pocket. “I almost forgot that I have missiles, too. So first, gunshots to make Them weaker.”

The first one came so unexpectedly that Rivaille didn’t have time to dodge, and it hit him on the head.

“Sorry.” the boy said, continuing to throw nuts and acorns at him.

“That hurt.” Rivaille remarked.

He soon found out that playing with kids was a rather violent and extremely tiring activity. He kept on dodging the missiles the boy was throwing at him.

“Wow, amazing!” the boy exclaimed, having run out of things to throw at him.

“Don’t think that’ll keep me away.” Rivaille said, extending both his hands to grab the boy, but he quickly evaded his grasp.

The boy ran along the wall, skipping over broken parts. Rivaille thought this kind of game was rather dangerous. He also felt embarrassed for letting a kid play around with him like that. Even though the weather was cool, he soon started to feel hot. He was sweating even, which he hated. The boy’s cheeks were red, and he was evidently enjoying the game very much.

“Now I’ll kill you.” the boy announced.

“I’d like to see you try.” Rivaille replied, although he’d have been more than happy to end the game at last.

The boy raised both his ‘blades’, ready to cut him, but Rivaille dodged just in time, and managed to knock out both sticks from the boy’s hands. However, the boy still hadn’t given up yet. He lunged from his position on the wall, right at Rivaille, circling his arms around his neck. The next thing Rivaille felt was a sharp pain at the back of his neck, as a set of small teeth sank into it. He gave a surprised cry at the unexpected attack. His body was moving automatically, and without really intending to, he shook the boy off of him, throwing him rather forcefully on the ground.

“Ow.” the boy said, a pained expression on his face.

“What the hell was that, you shitty brat?” Rivaille said sharply, feeling his neck with a hand.

There wasn’t blood on it, but it hurt nevertheless.

“You said that the weak spot was the neck.” the boy said, his eyes becoming teary from the shock of being thrown off and yelled at. “Ow, my butt hurts…”

Rivaille looked down on him. He noticed the tears welling up in the boy’s green eyes, threatening to overflow. Rivaille bent down and picked him up from the ground.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you.” he said soothingly. “I guess you didn’t want to hurt me either, right?”

The boy nodded slowly.

“You’re quite strong.” Rivaille observed. “For such a young kid. You always have to be aware of your own strength in order not to hurt others. Let’s not forget about that.”

It was a reminder as much as to the boy as to himself. He looked down at the child in his arms, who buried his face in his chest and was crying softly. Rivaille’s expression contorted in disgust. He tried to hold the boy as far away from himself as he could, but he was clinging onto his scarf.

“Hey, kid.” he said to him. “I rather liked that scarf, you know. Don’t wipe your face on it.”

While holding the boy in one arm, with his free hand he produced a handkerchief from his pocket.

“Here. Use this. I sincerely hope you know how to.”

The boy took the handkerchief and blew his nose loudly.

‘Kids are so disgusting.’ Rivaille observed, but was still hesitating to put the child down. He was afraid the boy would start crying again.

“You should go home now.” Rivaille said.“Your family is waiting.”

“Um.”

“You can keep this scarf, since you made a mess out of it.”

Rivaille uncoiled the scarf from around his neck with one hand, and placed it around the boy, who looked up at him with large eyes.

“Thank you, Soldier-san.”

Rivaille could tell that the boy was too tired to walk, and would probably fall asleep soon, so he said:

“Let’s play one last game. You’ll be soldier, and I’ll be horse. We are going home. How about that?”

The boy nodded in approval.

“Climb onto my back, then.” he said, then added: “But don’t touch my neck, got that?”

He hauled the boy up on his back, and started walking back to town. He didn’t have to walk much until the boy fell asleep. Such a small, fragile being. Yet, Rivaille had never expected that children can hold such strength.

“Is it true…?” the boy spoke suddenly. “…that They eat people?”

Rivaille contemplated for a while whether to tell him the truth or not. In the end, he came to the conclusion that it would be better to let him know.

“Yeah.” he replied.

The boy gave a whimpering sound.

“Don’t fret.” Rivaille tried to soothe him. “They can’t come in.”

“I hope so.” the boy said. “You know, maybe when I’m big like you, I join the Stationary Guard.”

“Is that so?”

“But I won’t be like those drunk old men. I’m gonna protect the town.”

“Sure.” Rivaille said. “But you have to work on your aiming skills first.”

“I hit you once.” the boy pointed out.

“Yes, but only because I wasn’t ready yet.” Rivaille said, knowing it was a weak excuse, but he just couldn’t let a mere child get the better of him.

Sensing that the boy became discouraged, he added:

“Most of Them are slow, though. I don’t think you’d have much problem hitting Them with a gun from the Wall.”

“Yes, but I want to go out, too. Maybe I’ll go out exploring with… What is it called?”

“The Scouting Legion?” Rivaille offered.

“Yes, the Scouting Legion.” the boy repeated. “They have the wings of freedom, right?”

‘Freedom…’ Rivaille contemplated in silence. ‘Freedom sure has a huge price.’

The boy drifted off to sleep again. Rivaille had no idea where he lived, so he had to ask the townspeople again about where Dr. Jäger’s house was.

“You’re heavy, brat.” he said, carrying the boy to the doorstep of his house.

Rivaille didn’t plan on paying Dr. Jäger a visit, but he couldn’t leave the boy outside. It was getting late, and cold, too. He knocked on the door. A woman with a worried expression opened it, and looked at him in surprise.

“Excuse my intrusion, madam.” Rivaille said politely. “I’m looking for the Jägers’ house.”

The woman looked perplexed for a while.

“Yes, here it is. But I’m afraid my husband, Dr. Jäger is out now on business.”

“I understand.” Rivaille said, shifting slightly. “I only came to bring home your son.”

He turned to reveal the boy clinging onto his back.

“Eren!” the woman said, with a mixture of relief and reprimand in her voice, but it had no impact whatsoever on the sleeping boy.

The woman took the boy from him.

“I’m sorry my child caused you trouble.” the woman apologized.

“Not at all.” Rivaille replied.

“Do come in.” the woman invited him into the house . “I’ll get some tea ready.”

Rivaille was hesitating whether to accept or decline.

“Thank you, Jäger-san, but I really don’t want to disturb.”

“Oh.” the woman said, placing his son on a bed beside the fireplace. “But I don’t want to keep you from your duty for too long. You’re a soldier at the Stationary Guard, right? Even though you seem so young…”

Rivaille shook his head.

“I’m with the Scouting Legion.” he said, and introduced himself properly. “Squad Leader Rivaille, at your service.”

He made the formal salute, then added:

“I might not look like it, but I’m already twenty.”

“Rivaille-kun?” the woman said, recognition flashing in her eyes. “I’m sorry, Squad Leader-san. My husband told me that you’d come to visit one day.”

She poured hot tea into a cup, and invited Rivaille to sit down at the table.

“Thank you.”

“This is the least I can do. I was starting to really worry about Eren, but was afraid to leave the house in case he came home while I’m out.” she glanced at the sleeping boy. “He is a strange child. He always gets into trouble. I can’t imagine what he was up to this time…”

“I’m sorry, I might have been at fault for detaining him.”

The woman looked at him, perplexed.

“I agreed to play soldier with him.” Rivaille explained. “It was rather difficult for me to say no.”

The woman was laughing softly.

“He can be really strong-minded sometimes. But to make a soldier his playmate, that’s quite an achievement.”

Rivaille, too, was smiling faintly.

“I might have been enjoying the game a bit too much myself…” he admitted.

“He doesn’t have many friends to play with.” the woman said, her expression becoming serious. “He has Armin, of course, but he’s too fragile for Eren’s wild games. I always wanted to have another child, but… This one is just too much worry for me.”

She was looking at her son affectionately.

“When I see how his young spirit longs for freedom, I fear for him.” she continued. “I wish he could be happy here, inside the Wall, instead of dreaming about that terrible place that lies beyond… I’m sorry, Squad Leader-san. I really appreciate all the hard work and sacrifice of the Scouting Legion, but…”

“But you don’t agree with our ideals.” Rivaille finished for her. “I can understand that. Those who are content with their lives within the Wall wouldn’t understand. Eren is truly fortunate to have such a loving family. I agree that he should never go outside. He has no reason to do so.”

“And what is your reason, Rivaille-kun?” the woman said in a whisper, her features softening.

“I don’t have a family.” Rivaille began. “Whether I die or survive out there it wouldn’t have a consequence for anyone but myself. I fight because it’s the only thing I can do. And I do it because I want to keep on living. I want to make sure that Eren would never have to encounter Them. This is my reason.”

“You’ve worked really hard to come so far…” the woman said in an even lower whisper, her face sad. “My husband told me about you. I wish we could’ve offered you a home at that time…”

“It’s fine, Carla-san” Rivaille said. “Dr. Jäger has done more than enough for me. He gave me hope.” he glanced at Eren. “No, you both gave me hope. I’m thankful for that.”

He stood up to leave.

“Thank you for the tea, Carla-san.” he said. “I really should be going now.”

“Please, do visit us again whenever you have the time. I’m sure it would make Eren really happy.”

Rivaille tried to smile in response. He didn’t want to make it a promise. He headed for the door, but was stopped by a small voice.

“Are you leaving now?” Eren said sleepily.

Rivaille walked back to him and crouched down beside his bed.

“I want you to do something for me, kid.” he said in a low voice.

The boy nodded uncertainly.

“Be a good boy, and do as your Mama says.” he continued. “Treasure your family. Don’t ever do things that’d make them sad.”

The boy blinked at him with his large green eyes. Rivaille wasn’t quite sure whether the boy had fully understood him.

“Don’t ever try to follow in my footsteps.” he added, ruffling the boy’s hair briefly.

“Remember to come back safely!” the boy called after him. “I want to play with you again.”

He didn’t want to give his word, because he was afraid he couldn’t keep his promises anymore. But he would always remember the look in those green eyes, which gave him hope. And a reason to survive and keep coming back from a cruel world he was beginning to know…


	4. The Change in His Eyes

After his first visit to the Jägers’ house, he never intended to return. However, fate had brought him back to Shiganshina again, and once more he was walking the same streets, without feeling familiar with them, yet somehow as if he had arrived home.

It was another winter, the air cold and the scenery bleak. A lone tree was standing in a field. Rivaille passed it without paying much attention, and headed for town. The streets were almost empty: people stayed at home, beside their warm fireplaces; children played in their cosy rooms. But not the one he knew…

A boy was sitting on a low wall, with a sullen expression and a bruise or two on his face. Rivaille found himself smiling inwardly when he recognized him.

“Been in a fight, kid?” he asked casually.

The boy lifted his head, his green eyes measuring him up, as if contemplating whether he was friend or foe.

“It’s you.” the boy recognized him. “You were alive, after all.”

The boy stood up, and approached him.

“Found you, Eren.” a girl appeared then, wearing a long red scarf around her neck.

“What are you doing? Don’t talk to suspicious strangers!” the girl said strictly, shooting a disapproving glance at Rivaille.

“He’s not a stranger, Mikasa.” Eren said to her.

He went closer to Rivaille and looked him in the eye. Rivaille had noticed earlier that there was something different in the boy’s gaze.

“You never came back after that. I thought you were dead.” the boy said reproachfully.

“I made a promise not to die.” Rivaille replied.

“You also made a promise to come back here.” Eren countered.

“And here I am.” Rivaille said. “And I can’t believe what a cocky brat you’ve grown into in just a few years.”

“You’ve changed, too.” the boy remarked sullenly. “You look smaller.”

“That’s because you’ve grown.” Rivaille said.

The boy was still more than a head shorter than him, though. Eren came closer, and extended a hand toward him. Rivaille didn’t move. With a casual motion, the boy flipped the end of his hair, saying:

“Your hair is still too long. Longer than before, even though you’re a soldier. Doesn’t it get in the way?”

Rivaille felt angered at the boy’s tone. There was something definitely strange about him this time. His usual cheerful openness was missing. Looking into his eyes, Rivaille was reminded of himself.

“What happened while I was away?” he found himself asking.

“Nothing much.” the boy replied unconvincingly, looking away from him.

“Eren.” Rivaille said sharply. “I want to hear what happened.”

The boy was hesitating, then seemed to give in.

“All right, I’ll tell you. But you have to promise you won’t tell anyone. Least of all Armin.” he said, but the girl cut him in:

“Eren!” there was warning in her tone.

“No, Mikasa.” Eren replied firmly. “I want to tell him. I hate that I can’t talk about it with anyone. It makes me mad.”

Rivaille was shocked at what he saw in the boy’s eyes, but even that couldn’t prepare him for what followed.

“I killed.” Eren began. “I killed people.”

“Eren.” Mikasa said, this time softly.

Rivaille didn’t say a word, but let the boy continue.

“It’s not that I regret it. They were scum. They killed Mikasa’s family. They almost killed Mikasa, too. They deserved to die, right? Everyone says I shouldn’t have done it, but… I only wanted to save Mikasa. I don’t mind killing to protect. Am I wrong for feeling that way?”

The boy was looking up at Rivaille, expecting an answer. He was agitated, tears filling his eyes. Rivaille was disturbed by the news. This boy, who always looked so gentle and innocent, had killed.

‘No. There shouldn’t be any doubt about it.’ he thought. ‘What this boy has done was…’

“No, you weren’t wrong.” Rivaille said, drawing closer and placing both hands on the boy’s shoulders comfortingly.

Eren looked up at him, then buried his face in Rivaille’s uniform, sobbing for relief.

“Hey, kid.” Rivaille said, annoyed. “Stop that already. I’m not your handkerchief.”

Nevertheless, instead of pushing him away, he patted the boy’s back, who hugged him tightly with his small, yet strong arms. Rivaille realized that the girl who was standing a good distance away from him, was also crying, although much more modestly than Eren did.

‘These kids must’ve gone through a lot.’ Rivaille thought. ‘It doesn’t matter whether inside or outside the Wall: the world is cruel.’

“Crying is unsoldierly, Eren.” Rivaille found himself saying.

“I know.” the boy replied, finally letting go of him.

Eren fished out a handkerchief from his pocket, and cleaned his face with it.

“You know, I’ve decided.” the boy said with resolve. “I’ll join the Scouting Legion.”

The girl looked at him disapprovingly.

“You forgot what I asked you…” Rivaille reminded him.

“I can’t just sit here, waiting until the last one of Them is slayed! I want to be like you! I want to go outside and fight!” the boy replied, hands clenched into a fist.

Rivaille was beginning to regret their encounter. Was he the one who pushed the boy down on the wrong path? Or was it fate? He saw the resolve in those green eyes – the eyes that had already glimpsed the cruelty of the world, even though the boy never set foot to the outside – and found he couldn’t argue. The boy’s will was strong.

“Fine.” he said at length, turning to leave. “Do as you wish. Just make sure you won’t regret your decision later.”

“I never heard your name.” Eren called after him.

“Find out for yourself.” Rivaille said to him. “Join the Scouting Legion, if you can make it that far. I’ll be waiting.”

Without realizing it, he bound himself with his words again, even though he wasn’t sure whether he could keep his promises.

“Until then, don’t you dare dying out there. Make that a promise.” the boy said firmly.

“I already did.” Rivaille said, taking one last look at the boy’s face.

“One day, let’s explore the Outside World together!” Eren said, the bright smile that Rivaille would always remember returning to his face.

Was he remembering this because he was dying? Regret piling up with each promise he couldn’t keep…


End file.
